being noticed

If you wanted to get noticed. It is best that you do something or be something that looks good immediately. Stuff that we can do or be which takes time for others to appreciate are discounted! Ain't nobody got time to appreciate something that takes time to appreciate. Immediate sensory satisfaction is the name of the game . I know this may seem contradictory. For example. Physical fitness takes a long time to get to. However it is appreciated immediately. It is sensory value is at a minimal. And it will eventually leave you empty handed and your soul thriving for more. That being said. Matters of intellectual worth are the kind that takes people a while to comprehend. And since people's attention spans are drastically short to appreciate such goodness, the true worth of valuable human activity goes unnoticed. Namely the ones that require immense mental effort. But like I said: ain't nobody got time for that lol

A hypothesis on love


When in Love a person is faced with a fork in the road. Playing the usual game of who in the end will come out on top and dominate or to give in to perfect submission. True love is not possible in the first alternative but totally dependent attachment is. Second path is also very tricky. Because it requires the full submission of both parties. This of course requires unimaginable wisdom and self awareness. And in the unfortunate event that one person sees this as weakness and pries on it is the worst thing that can happen to a person who has given in. 

Second path requires to see love at first as an end on its own. It need to be above all other objectives. This is impossibly difficult. But if given the chance it will than flourish and transmogrify itself into a mean to enable all that is magnificent  for both parties who are in love. A most difficult yet unimaginably promising hypothesis. 

Promised fortunes


Once there were only the  knowledge and worshipping  of the wind and the sun and people thought they knew everything. They lived as though their wisdom was complete. And then we knew more and understood that knowledge  never ends. Yet still we lived with wisdom which to us seemed  wholly complete while infinitely lacking. Herein lies the dilemma of man and the truth of Socrates who said "all I know is that I don't know anything at all" perhaps therefore he suggested "know yourself" above all other knowing yet other sorts of knowing of other things enabled us to know about ourselves. 

Within this catch twenty two of a cycle we found our idle places in the whirlwind of life. Only to be temporarily moved by riches such as love and passion. Most times life wasn't a loud bell ringing away but it was like the silent flow of a sand clock. Yet still we wait hoping that wind will catch us and lift us to heights imagined and promised through out the ages. 

It is a game out there


When dealing with other people in any situation. Family or strangers alike, there are always only two options. Either you cooperate or defect. And the whole cacophony of the world is made by people either cooperating or defecting on each other. 

However, it gets a little trickier than that. When you defect you gain an advantage a small one or a big one over others who are willing to cooperate. Most people are content in defecting in invisible and inconceivable ways to gain tiny benefits here and there and always not realizing the grand prize of cooperating. Because the grand prize is reserved always for people in honest and genuine cooperation. 

And yet we may never know what grand prizes life has in store for us until we evolve the kind of minds which are strong enough to seek a grander version of things. 

A note on civilization


Isn't the entire civilization an exuberant manifestation of primitive human desires of food, physical protection in the form of clothes, shelter, and sex. 

When you are driving around or taking a stroll down a open air mall. Take a look around and see what you see? Clothing stores, restaurants and placse of entertainment which mostly fulfills the need of the meeting up of the sexes and places to live in. Not much else. 

So really what we have accomplished in all our grandeur which we are so proud of is that, we have taken what dogs and cats and other apes strive for and extrapolated it to an infinite multitude. 

As intelligent as a species that we are, our buildings only are a testament to our primitive animalistic greeds as the peacock's tale is a testament to blind evolutionary forces. 

Silly state of affairs for anyone who has given it a few minutes of thought. 

Baby's mind


A baby when first born learns in time that words point to things in the real world. Stuff it can touch smell, see, bite on. 

Then it grows a bit more and turns into a child and learns that some words are for things that only exist in people's minds. And the child can not touch, see or bite on them. . Like compassion, love and hatred. 

Then it grows a bit more and becomes a wise grown up and realizes that stuff that it thought  were only in people's minds actually do exist in the real world. Just in the most mysterious ways possible. 

Baby's mind


A baby when first born learns in time that words point to things in the real world. Stuff it can touch smell, see, bite on. 

Then it grows a bit more and turns into a child and learns that some words are for things that only exist in people's minds. And the child can not touch, see or bite on them. . Like compassion, love and hatred. 

Then it grows a bit more and becomes a wise grown up and realizes that stuff that it thought  were only in people's minds actually do exist in the real world. Just in the most mysterious ways possible. 

Culture is your operating system


Culture is the instruction manual of the human mind which has its home in human brain. What is meant here by the word culture is two folds. 

First one is the accepted overall social order, norms, traditions, fashion, cuisine and allowed body gestures ad infinitum...

Religions, ideologies of all sorts like liberalism or conservatism, fitness culture, underground cultures  and even scientific traditions is of this type. Although some can be more grasping than others.  Culture is our operating system. This is an interesting idea to entertain.  If you are running a spiritual operating system for example your mind is open to many mysterious concepts like energies, shakras, oras and mystical properties of atoms and molecules. You view the world through this window. And some ideas will not be compatible with your operating system. Such as scientific inquiry usually is not mutually agreeable  with spiritual operating systems. Someone can also be running a scientific operating system or a religious operating system. A pure pragmatic, individualistic operating system. Some people have health and fitness based operating systems. This is not to say that human beings are just limited a narrow single  operating system although this can be the case. But most often endless amalgamations and strange mixtures of different types of operating systems. 

Once a person has been inflicted with a world view as such, they become one with it. They harmonize and blend with it. They identify their individual self with this view or the operating system and will defend it rigorously while refusing or rejecting other incompatible ideas. 

Any contradiction will be explained within the system of reason based on the ideas which stems from the operating system and new information will get integrated as good or bad. As acceptable or not acceptable. 

When you meet someone who is running a instruction set in their brains that souls are real you will see that they will not accept the point of view that the spirit or soul is a bi-product of biological evolution. That the psychology, thoughts and feelings are entirely based on biology. 

You can tell after a short while of conversation what ideas a person is open to and what others  are beyond their reasonable acceptance. You can determine how free or constrained their mind is, based on the instructions of the operating system they are running. 

In a broad sense, if you are running a operating system of Christianity 1.0 the world is a non moving object around with all other planets and the sun revolves. If you are running the 5.2 version you may now consider it acceptable that the earth is not stationary and even be able to accept the concept of biological evolution partially or fully.

If you are running the newest fitness 7.1, all kinds of  bewilderingly detailed accepting and rejecting of food molecules will be your language. You will be lost trying to navigate an endless jungle of how much of some molecules found in food you should take and how to block the intake of countless many others. You will have unbelievably detailed information on body movements in exercise and how many sets of what and theories in weight loss and how evil gluten is etc. 

Second meaning of culture is the personal culture.  The set collection of formed personal preferences and tastes and styles, wants and dislikes, fears and desires ad infinitum... Overall culture will have a heavy influence on these set of ideas however people can be somewhat independent from overall culture  in their personal preferences especially in free market economies and instead could be affected by their instinctual drives more so. Overall culture may promote selfless acts while the personal culture may provoke vigorous self promotion. A person who has conformed to more of a individualistic culture will see his or her own view and preferences as Ten Commandments. 

"I will do as I wish and love me as I am" mentality for example. other persons' voices are just evil influences trying to nudge them from their holly anchor of personal satisfaction. These types of people will be super resistant to change. Because voices of others which may incite change will not be heard.  These types of people will see other people's opinions as deadly criticism and a source of malady. They will turn away and walk away unless their personal desires find fulfillment in any situation. They will simply refuse to be in discomforting situations and won't be able to see these as opportunities of growth. 

However, it must be considered reasonably that the culture as a set of instructions which provide useful guidance  is also a prison for the human mind. 

It subjugates and subverts the true power of the limitless freedom human mind is capable of. Namely the power of free thinking. 

A human mind can be free of the slavish influence of culture., personal or otherwise This is not to promote to deny everything and live in absolute nihilism. One can entertain many ideas, perspectives, different opinions and multifaceted evaluation of good and bad at every moment and create an on the fly analyses and judgement which is free from preconceived notions and set rules and preformed conceptions, and unchanging personal preferences and desires. 

I believe here lies the true power of the human mind. To become unhinged from any preset and to experience true and unique freedom of thought fueled by never ending seeking of knowledge of all forms. 

-although I have thought quite a lot about the relationship between mind and culture . I must say that culture being like an operating system I first heard from Terrence Mckenna.

What we want and what we get


So why do we have good days and bad days? 

Some days can be filled with the overflow of euphoria and joy and others drenched in misery and sheer chaos. 

What changes from day to day that flips our moods so violently?

It is a worthwhile wondering to think perhaps that it is us personally who change from one day to next. Perhaps our thoughts and desires varied a little bit. Along with our expectations. Maybe we started a day with optimism and another with dark glasses. 

There is truth in this, that we all have a dynamic inner life. And flow from one mood to the next. Browsing through the endless variety of the emotional landscape. This is most certainly an obvious observation. But what is less obvious is the question of the person who is in charge of our mood? Am I in charge of my mood and my emotional expression at any one point in time. Do I just choose from a menu of emotions for myself from one moment to next. Not really!

Although it is true that we cruise through one emotional state to another, but we hardly choose what state we be in. 

We try to set the conditions right for the type of mood we would like to be in in the fast approaching future. We plan to have drinks with friends so we can hopefully entice ourselves to be happy for a moment. Or plan a dinner with family so that we can enjoy the company of our loved ones and feel good within The warmth that radiates from it. We sometimes even want to feel sorrow and listen to a sad song and reminisce within our minds about old memories and things that could have been better. And perhaps we still take joy which stems from this sorrow. 

It is a curious happening when one can derive pleasure from self induced sadness. But that is not the point here :)

I guess the point is that we don't really choose to be in a certain state of emotional undertaking. We can certainly wish to be in a good mood and simply just enjoy to be happy. However all we can do is strive for it. Wish it. Want it and set the stage for it, hoping that things will, fortune granting, fall in their rightful place and the circumstances will evolve to accommodate our wish of happiness and that others will comply and follow suit so that the play can go on as anticipated and the fruits of harmony can ripen. 

Yet, as Always there is, there are complications. Because hardly the world is a place which is working towards satisfying our personal desires. Yet, as they always are, other people have their own personal emotional agenda and they may not be synchronized to the same tune which you wished to dance to. 

So our expectations  hit obstacles along the way and we feel the friction between the wanted and the having gotten. Friction Between the wish and  what actually was delivered. 

We learn this as we grow and witness the pain of our desires being shattered and our expectations faltering  and our actions and circumstances misdelivering. 

So we learn to just accept and harden. We grow a thick outer shell made of a million disappointments. We learn to look away and turn away and just come to terms with the fact that we would not be given what we feel perfectly well entitled to. 

Some paths fail to satisfy we divert course or be a stubborn goat and try for a never ending breakthrough. And yet time flies and clock ticks away and the struggle continues and the wait gets prolonged and the goals are always within a ever nearing reach but never fully at hand. 

So we go on anyway. 

Where to and what for? To what end and through what means becomes forgotten questions of childhood curiosity. An old memory of when once we had genuine hope. Before everything turned into a slow grind into the mount impossible to attain. 

What if we just slowed down and reevaluate. What if we went back to the primal questions which we asked when we were children. What happens to the curiosity? And the wondering?

So that the point has been slow roasted to its maturity I hope that, we shall slow down, and stop and look around and ask a few tough questions. And try to grind into the answers before making our next effort and begin back into the routine. The same old promise of the never attained and the never delivered. 

Lets perhaps see things anew. Lets reconsider and take time to wonder and be lost in fiddling and the seriousness of curious play. 

Lets go back to the basics and see things as they really are without the veil and be paint and the ever alluring glitter. 

That is a worthy hypothesis and a virtuous objective and a noble undertaking for the human spirit. 

Illusion of being civilized


Without knowledge we descend into darkness. Back to our animal origins. We become imitators. Memorizers. Pretenders of the illusion of the civilized. Most of us don't know really how civilization came to be. How mankind rose from its primal origins. We don't know really the history of anything. So we look around and adapt to looking and acting like civilized, intelligent beings. But if you compare any real definition of intelligence to what is around, we see that there is a total mismatch. 

The real questions elude us and we find easier ones with simple answers. We brush away our anxieties and quickly turn away to find some fun somewhere somehow to forget and to continue. 

Notes on being human:


To honestly understand the human condition with all its greatness and short comings. We must assume a neutral view point. It is difficult for a human to be able to see the conditions of being human from a bird's eye view perspective. We simply are engulfed in the ways that we are and within this normalcy we must resort to creative imagination to gain insight into our very selves. 

One way to do this is to look at the human race and all its endeavors from a hypothetical Alien's point of view. When we look at all other creatures we already do this. Such as when we look at the behavior of ants or flies or dogs we can pause and observe them more objectively than we can readily observe ourselves. It is because we are not caught in their worries or ways of feeling and living. Therefore, we can use a more neutral language to describe why they do what they do and how they do it. 

Imagine an alien in its spaceship coming to earth and without being seen, observing us in our everyday lives. How would this alien who doesn't know anything about humans interpret our behavior? 

Lets give a few examples:

- lets say when two people are arguing they can either be politely discussing things or be involved in a furious engagement. There are different outcomes that can result from these two courses of actions and to us from within the "being human" perspective, these would make sense through our immediate emotions. Such as we can say things like "I was arguing because I was pisses off" or "I didn't want to hurt her feelings because I care for her." But to our hypothetical alien these explanations are meaningless. For any explanation to sufficiently satisfy him he would need to see the purpose and reason of these two different actions and what lead to them. A useful methapor can be about when we ask the question of the reason why  flies relentlessly flying into bright objects. Even risking getting burnt or worse, death. A fly if it could speak may say "I Felt like it" or "the desire to do so was too strong." But this really wouldn't explain much to us. Because we would then wonder why it felt that way or why the desire to do so was so strong. We may wonder why the fly doesn't fly into everything with the same determination. 

For this reason, our immediate reasons which most likely are emotional would be of very little satisfaction to the alien. He would probably ask other questions to understand why we do the things we do from a different stand point than from our personal reasons for doing them. 

Because as we may like to admit,  our  feelings often lead us to courses of actions such as anger fits and frustration fueled arguments  which in turn may  make things worse for us. We know somewhat why we get frustrated and argue with people. But from the alien's standpoint, this could seem silly as we continually act in ways which in turn end up hurting us, not much different than the fly, and these actions often don't seem to serve a good purpose rather than be a spur of the moment arising of emotional response beyond which we are unsure why we did any of it. 

We can of course explain our actions with reason and resort to logical extrapolations of it. However when two people are caught on a heated fight or an argument, they both will have the reasonable explanations ready from their individual perspectives. These explanations often will be thought of after the fact. As difficult as it may be to admit that we do not act on emotion. Most times we do and although we may have good reasons behind our actions as far as we are concerned. Often we need the push of the emotions to make or intentions a reality. Especially the kind of actions like arguing and fighting are triggered through an emotional reaction. And even if we solely were to act on reason and logic alone. Our reasons may not make any sense to the alien. He may seek for deeper more fundamental reasons than what we consider is sufficient. 

However, there is hope. Because as intelligent and creative creatures. We can use the power of our imagination and our deep thinking to suspend our usual judgements and look at ourselves anew and even discover things about ourselves which before were beyond our thinking. 

Something about babies


It has always stricken me with great surprise that almost nobody asks the question of what  a human baby desires?

I don't mean necessities like food or comfort and warmth but really truly what it desires. 

Because we give babies many things like toys and colorful things. Stuff that we consider cute. Because the baby is cute and the cuteness of things which we give to a baby matches the baby's cuteness so we are content. But the baby doesn't know that it is cute. It doesn't even know what cuteness is yet. It has no particular desire for cute things. It doesn't even understand what cute is. 

So we project our desires and wants onto the baby. We give babies what we desire for it to want. We project our preferences onto the baby. 

Baby doesn't have a language and in all honesty probably doesn't prefer any particular language. It doesn't know what language is. It doesn't understand it yet. You can take any baby from any language group and place it in another and the baby won't know the difference. And will pick up whatever language happens to be around. 

A baby doesn't desire a particular culture. A baby doesn't know what culture is. It is happy to imitate whatever culture it happens to be engulfed in. 

So we give the baby these things. And baby has no say in it. It just takes it. It absorbs like a sponge whatever information happens to be around. 

A baby doesn't desire a particular religion. It doesn't know what religion is. Therefore if you raise a baby as Taoist. It will become that. Or a Buddhist. Or any other religion. It may change its mind later on. But at first it has no choice but to absorb whatever happens to be around. 

So a baby in this sense doesn't really have much of a preference or choice towards any of these. 

And then the biggest shocker of all is that we all at one time were babies. 

Problem with the modeling industry


There are eras in history where immense new innovations in arts and thinking take place. And there are times when imitation and relentless "fine tuning of the already existing" takes place. Like the artistic flourishing during the renaissance and the post modern times when booms of creativity abounded. 

But now I feel like we are at an age of stagnation of art. These are times when status quo thinking in creativity is strengthened and ever sophistically  fine tuned. Sideways, upside down  ideas are looked down upon. 

So photography gets its fair share from this. Where supposed opinions and experts are well established with their principles and guidelines. Magazine and fashion/beauty industry is a monumental testament to that. 

A person is creative when they can choose to act freely in artistic expression regardless of the onslaught of criticism or lack of appreciation. 

So it is difficult now for a model to do anything but to produce already produced images of the countless same. Differences are in the fine tuning rather than free expression of creativity. 

You can not get accepted to a modeling agency with fine art shots or with conceptual images for example. Especially grunge is completely left out.  Don't these reflect parts of being human and aren't  fashion and beauty supposed to be as varied as the types of human figures and minds are out there? However, as things stand one would have to answer with a bitter "No!"

Because only one aspect is being promoted and all other variety is swept aside. So models follows suit, so does photographers, so does other artists who collaborate. 

And the artists with a marginal mind  exactly are done that with. They are marginalized. Not through overt criticism but through silent rejection. One of the many inflictions of social media. Only the most courageous can go on while not being appreciated fully time and time after. 

So we must conform or we must resist. Choice is ours and consequences of the latter are hard. 


Mindless however intelligible Mumblings:


When the world drives to a delirious state of things, we then Should drive towards a delirious state of mind. Then what follows is that you are at the edge of things. The edge of what is considered normal and the abnormal. The precipice beyond which is unthought of this far. The unseen and the unimagined. This is the threshold of things where original and genuine creativity brews. Because everything else is flat out insanity or fine tuned sophistication. True creativity is an elusive spot in between sane and insane. One can not conform with the sane and claim creativity, because expressions of this sort will be abundantly found. Also can not become insane, because simply it is too much. But have the fortitude to remain at the threshold of these two things and struggle relentlessly to keep your position firm and limitless creativity will flow into you and out of you and all your functioning self will ooze with the essence of what others now may or one day will find as "wow, that is really interesting" 

When I drive away

When I drive away from civilization or society for a little bit. Always the same thoughts rush into my mind. When I am at a desolate wilderness or a road that leads to nowhere kind of place. This happened to me so often that now I can practically trace the flow of thoughts that stir in my mind to their eventual destination which always ends up in the question of "what am I doing with my life?"
It first begins when I am at the threshold of civilization and lack of it. When you are driving to a dark place in the mountains or something like it. First thing that happens is the gradual scarcity of artificial lighting and buildings and all together man made things. When you are at this threshold, you feel something shifts in you. It is inevitable. But I believe this shift is fragile. One needs to have the wisdom to let to. To let to go ordinary worries which you are physically leaving behind. But they may still accompany you within your mind. Once a person makes the commitment to just experience the desolation and leave everything behind momentarily, the experience begins. 
Silliness of everyday concerns surfaces stronger  more than the worry and sorry for them. A new perspective settles in which beats on your heart hard and heavy almost wanting to drag you from your neck to a place which you have forgotten. Which you have unacquainted yourself from. 
When I follow these pushes and pulls rather than my worries, the  I in me find peace and a silent euphoria which fills in the gaps now left open by letting go. 
I realize how much I am influenced by what is around me. Not just obvious things like what to wear, what to eat, how to make money, how to find a respectable place within my peers and my friends.  even the subtle and unnoticed ways. The buildings that surround me and the lights. They play their undetectable part in my desires and drives. Always going unnoticed. 
And the final question arises. If I were to leave to live in desolation and isolation I would need only water, food and shelter. Shelter to protect myself from harm of wild animals and the elements. Then I realize the entire civilization is a grossly exaggerated  expression of these simple needs. Then I realize I would long for others and a desire for their company would grow beyond measure. But how many people I need to not feel alone?. I know I can feel alone within a large crowd and company of my friends and family. And often my love, one and only person, is enough to alleviate the pain of aloneness. 
So life seem a so simple from within this experience. And I feel fulfilled to some extend having realized that I have dedicated my life to infinite useless worries. 
Then I drive back, and the lights begin appearing with all their glitter. And the buildings with all their grandeur. And other people with their fashion and Jewelry and makeup and expensive cars. And I am now again being taken to a entirely different world. And the worries begin to speak louder and louder. And the anxiety peaks its head longer and longer. 
Then I release we are creatures forever prisoner to a dilemma of simple happiness of just living and the insurmountable concerns of living up to something we had concocted for ourselves by ourselves. 

"Unlimited abundance of despair in beauty"

"Unlimited abundance of despair in beauty"

"Remnants of a wish"

"Remnants of a wish"

With Joey Hamilton

I was shooting with Joey Hamilton yesterday for total ink magazine. This talented gentleman came on at first place at the tv show "Ink Masters" on spike tv. He is an amazing artist and we got some really nice shots.


Words of Wisdom

Being Creative is a little bit like being Crazy. Because you have to see something, envision a quality that others have not yet-Which then makes the created a little bit weird and a little bit strange. Only those who wander the strange lands of human perception stumble upon the glorious, but at a price of being rejected and dejected...